haiya..this morning was awoken up to the ringing of the home phone..and since there was nobody at home, i had to answer it...

am so sleepy as yesterday went out to do the visiting and got back only at 12 midnight...then today must wake up early as my house will be expecting some guest...

hahas..so after having to wake up by the phone call, i decided to do some cleaning by vacuuming the whole house while waiting for my mum to get back from the market...

so as soon as my dearest mum reached home, we set off to work...we delegated our work evenly...hehe i did the beefball and the roti kirai...ish ish ish..kirai roti sampai jari chek scalded...hehe but since its for the guest...hey i dont mind at all...

blom sempat habis masak, tetamu pon dah sampai and how embarressed i was as i was still not changed which includes not yet showered and i was smelling of the minced meat lah, the spices and all sorts of smell...u name it and its there on zawani...

so while having to prepare the foodie, i had to chat online with my dearest hubby as all his friends was on 'off' and his turn was yet to come but to me its okay having to rush into the kitchen and to the room as hmmm...i also dont know why but its just that i love him..hehe well i know its not a good enough reason but hey he is my dearest hubby...

anyway ended up having to chat up with him even after i finished cooking and showering...damn it felt good having to have showered...hehe well so continued chatting with dear till it was almost 1800hrs and he had to go for his run and den pray and off to dinner...

these few weeks have really opened my eyes to things that i thought i would never do even when dear was in Singapore and the thing is im not trying to boast about it but alhamdullillah i am changing for these relationship...and the happiest thing about it is dear realised it and he said it would have been better if i was like this when he was still in singapore...well dear you dont worry-worry okay...insya'allah in the name of God i will still remain this way even when you are back..

hahas..too bad i cant ramble on so much as i am expecting my uncle to arrive at my house soon..gotta go and siap all the things...i mean the kuihs and drinks..hehe

as usual..

dear, lovie you always and thinking about you always too kaes..you takie care of yourself especially ur ehem ehem and your ulcers too kae..jgn malas letak Bonjela..muackiez..hugs..


hey dere peeps...it's me here again just wishing all salam lebaran...

anyway i have been sick the past few days...like i said in my last entry and yar i am still feeling unwell with the voice 'going away'...dah macam suara Ella si penyanyi tu.. really lost some weight because of the fasting and now that i am sick, it will continue to decrease...sebut pasal fasting, berakhir sudah bulan yang mulia Ramadhan dan sudah pun tiba syahdunya Syawal..

Ramadhan datang dan pergi tanpa si seseorang dihati...dan Syawal ini ku berasa sunyi dan sepi tanpanya...well anyway yar malam raya i was able to talk to dearie on the phone and yar we talked quite long actually and it was the moment of seeking of forgiveness..dearie started off first and all was well..dearie you are long forgiven and semua orang buat kesilapan hanya untuk mempelajari darinya untuk memperbaiki dirinya untuk seseorang...den it was my turn to seek forgiveness from my dearest hubby...i just dont know why and seriously i dont why when i started to say my word of forgiveness, tears roll down my cheeks and as i go on and on apologizing to my dearest hubby, i jusy broke down crying...macam tak dipercaya gitu zawani crying asking for forgiveness from my dearest one..probably there was just too many sins and wrongdoing that i did and that i really mean everyword that i say..that was why i cry...dah macam minta ampun dari suami yang sah..well i hope lepas lebaran ini, akan membuka minda kiter untuk memulakan hidup yang penuh dengan dugaan, rintangan dan kasih sayang...dear walupun ur in Brunei i know that you will ensure me that the kasih sayang in us will always be there...and i asure regarding what we talked about on raya will always be in my mind...i will not let fear get the best of me and conquer my heart...i will let all the love, the arguements, the pacify and all the positive points for me to have faith and be brave enough to take the step forward...just like you say....

to make me feel as though that my dearest one is in Singapore, dearie actually called me when i was out the whole day doing the raya visiting at certain interval of the days..that really actually touched my heart and not only that..knowing that i was still sick, he ensure that i didnt drink any sweet and fizzy drink...dear, jangan bimbang i minum warm water...i always bear in my what you tell me....*seriously i also dont know why i always listen to my dear but because i think its for my own good..and like you always say eh dear..i am comfortable with you...*

so yesterday after visiting the eldest aunt at tampines, me and family took paman su's van to head for my bibik's house..boy, werent there alot of people at rumah bibik..with the small kids running around eating and messing the whole house wiyh the kuihs and ME..hehe all i could do was stay sitted at the soft sofa and its all because i was having menses cramp..it was super irritating to have it on raya as it totally made me feel uncomfortable...setelah beberapa ketika disitu, the whole family decided to head to the great granny's house...nasib baik tak ramai orang..alah duduk kat saner pun tak lamer as we had to be going back to bibbik's house..pasal takut-takut nanti ada orang datang nak ziarah embah...so jadi lepas rumah buyut kembalilah kami di rumah bibik...

so to sum up the whole of raya day, it was fun but hanya Tuhan sahaje yang maha mengetahui aper perasaan sebenarnya..sampai rumah pun taklah lambat sangat...kul 0930 dah sampai rumah..reaching home, gi mandi den salin den berehat untuk menunggu hubby chek call and tak sampai beberapa minit...'ring,ring' bunyi handphone but sebenarnya bunyi ringtone Sean paul lah...so we talked and talked about alot of stuff sampai benda yang tak mahu dear mengetahui pon eventually had to be told to him...i just didnt want to keep anything from dear as i want him to be aware how i am really feeeling in this little island of Singapore....i just dont know why i have to tell him things that i dont wanna him to know..proabably its just that i respect him alot and i look forward to telling dear things in the near future..hmm..u get what i mean...'telling dear things in the NEAR FUTURE'...

so well we chatted for quite long actually...say about 45mins..but it was worth the chat..and anyway both of us was already feeling sleepy but aint it great because dear is not working today..but its ouhkays..dear really need the rest for all his works..


signing off this bloggie, i just wanna say a big thanchew to all my friends who have been consistently reading my updates...

having to be separated from you for just 2weeks, i fell the intensity of being lonely and that i feel that i have at times take you for granted and that is always trying to find fault with you but its only now i realise it was wrong of me to do it and i want you to know that i will treat you the ways a man should be treated... ;) ..just wanna you to know i think and misses you always..lovie you always... <3



haloo haloo dere all peeps..

sowie have not been blogging in for the past two days because i have not been feeling too well..asthma relapse...haish its damn stressful having to be breathless...

niwae i will be bloggie in soon when i am feeling better...

to my dearest hubby, i will always love you lots..thinking and missing you always...muackiez..


hehehe...finally the weekend is nearing and here i am today to bloggie in once again...

yeays...its left with only 4 days of fasting and its going to be Hari Raya..amonth of physical and mental endurance was worth the wait...but sadly this raya for me is not that worth the celebrate because my dearest dearie is not in Singapore..so this year raya will just be simple for me..nothing much happening..baju raya pon tak beli kalau kwn2 chek nak tahu..just dont have the mood to rayalah..macam sunyi dan sayu gituk..

today in school nothing much happen..lesson was as per usual..with ms yeo tecahing and im not captivated by her method of teaching but i am just glad that the day has end..hehe..tomorrow's lesson will be more relaxing because lesson is only from 8am to 10am..den finish but tomorrow got OAC training lah as usual at 430pm..hmm before OAC i will be going for an interview and den heading towards orchard and bugis...heehee...

anyway i dont know if i have bloggie in about this..but hey peeps my hubby will be back in Singapore for his break on 11 Jan 2007 till 20 Jan 2007...although its ashort period of time and i will be on attachment, i plan to spent all my time with dearie even after my attachie.. (and yar zawani here is an advice for you eh..jgn carik pasal when he is back...spent time, appreciate him as much as he can)...hehe..its still like 3 mths away but yet i am so excited..wanna noe why i am excited...*evil laughter*..you have got to tune in to my bloggie more often especially in 2007 Jan..den you will knoe what i am up to..

anyway while blogging,i am actually waiting for dearie to log on to the msn..hehe just receive acalll from dearest hubby that hes gonna be online soon..im praying hard that no bad connection will occur today..insya'allah..

anyway like how i usually would end my bloggie...

to my dearest hubby..lovie you lots...jage diri you baik2...muackiez...


hey dere peeps...im back again for the second time to bloggie in for today...

haha..actually nothing much happen in school today except that the class advisor ms yeo took like near to 2hrs to complete the lesson of a powerpoint slides as much as 12..den in Oncology, the topics was dry with the lecturer having to use a solid 51 slides which was super wordy for the topic on bone marrow transplant...but hey all that is over and now im at the comfort of my own home..in my solitaire...

just got off the msn with dearie and the funny thing that happen today was that both our computer was having difficulty to connect to the net and msn..hehe macam orang giler dibuatnya..

hmm..actually nothing musch to blog in today as im already feeling all the muscle on my body due to yesterday Sports and Wellness...

to my dear...just want you to know that i will take care of your mum but the true fact of reality is that i cant replace you but i can be there to cheer her up during ur absence..thats why i am praying hard that this 1yr will pass by super fast so all the missing yous will be over..but fret not everything in Singapore is fine..hehe with your wifey...semua ditanggung beres...

finally...i love you lots..thinking of you always..missing you always..takie care of yourself out there...you are the man..hehe oh ye dont pay too much attention to what ur sis say kae..i believe and have faith inyou..all you need to do is PROVE her WRONG...muack..


haloo once again to all readers of blogger...

hahas..anyway im right now in school having my break..wad better things can i do other than blogging in my entry..but actually nothing much has happen to me yet today as its just only half of the day but may be i shall bloggie in my entry for yesterday cos i was just plain lazy to bloggie in yesterday...

yesterday although was running aslight fever, i still decided to go ahead to school and guess what i was nearly late for school yesterday..hmm guess the alarm clock didnt go off as expected or maybe i think i shut off the alarm when it went off..hehe well den my mom actually woke me up at 0555 and dat was seriously not enough time left for me as that is usually the time i would be setting off for school but guess what even having to woke up late, i took almost 15 mins to get ready iincluding packing of my beg...yesterday i brought a SUPER big beg to school as i was having my Sports and Wellness and i needed to bring all the necessaties...and it look as though i was going to runaway from home...but luckily i wasnt the only one to bring such abig beg as yaty too brought abig beg..

anyway yesterday lesson was not heavy but its was more of boring as the first 4hrs of the day was PCB_practical lesson and during this 4hrs, my class advisor only like went through 2 topics which i seriously find very nonsensical as if it was Mdm Chick, we would have covered at the maximum 3 topics but well hey yesterday is over...after PCB it was behavioural science and that was ouhkay den it was followed by Sports and Wellness..the whole class was actually grumbling about having to do physical education despite having to fast and with the unhealthy PSI level but thank god Ms Kristy was human enough to let us do it at the indoor sports hall and yar we did some stretching and some games and to much shock, we all actually enjoyed the lesson....after the lesson ends, me and uh-een decided to head for the shower while dee, zahidah and yaty decided to run along home..so only the two of us was left to the shower...

*wah and wow*...that was the words that came out from my mouth after the showers as damn it sure felt refreshing...rugi sei yang lain balik..hehe anyway pasal dah penat punya pasal me and uh-een decided to take a bus ride to tanah merah to take MRT...

so took the train back and was in time for buka puase at home...oh yesh did i mention that the bursary money, allowance money and pay money is already in my account..hehe well tak bole jolly zawani...mesti simpan duit..(maklumlah umur pon dah meningkat jadi mesti ada savings just in case tap tup tap ade jek orang masuk minang..dah ader savings...hmm asyik berangan zawani ni sorang...)

haish.. yesterday did went by fast but the days to my dear coming back is still so far but hey dearie has given me the love and strength to carry on with the wait and i pray that insya'allah the wait will be a worthwhile wait..anyway after buka semalam kerana too penat i rested in my parents room and i was awoken to my brothers voice whenhe say 'adk,khairy call kau' and i blurly replied 'huh,khairy datang, maner dier'..hehe and den my brother funnily look at me and gave me the phone once again saying..'khairy is on the phone'..that was when i truly woke up and realised that dearie was on the phone..

hahas..actually i didnt expect dear to call cos dear said his calling card finished and havent buy yet and i also reminded him not to waste money on calling card but anyway yesterday dear called me using his friend calling card and it was for ashort while..say less than 2mins..all dear wanted to say that he missed me and that he loved me...

damn i loved him lots..nt only dear know how to care for me..after knowing the fact that his girlfriend is always thinking NEGATIVE, he will always emphasise his love for me...

dear, i just want you to know that i have faith in you and i trust you..remember the time when you say that you want to be able to make the relationship stay on and grow during this 1 year, just want you to know that i am here waiting and am here for US to be stronger...insya'allah..

hmm...i think i've been blogging in alot so i'll guess heres where i am going stop.. oh yesh dear..nanti kalau 'kuih raya' dah sampai dont forget to give your mum acall to say thanks and that the kuih she made is nice tau cos the kuih she made for you dear is made with love..and don worry i will take care of your mummy..

for my dear..i love you lots and missing and thinking of you always..really cant wait for you to be back in the comfort of my hands...muackiez...


haloo...haloo..its the owner of this bloggie againss..

anyway today was the beginning of the ITE school term and boy was the train packed and finally the one week of ghost school has risen up again and all the peeps are back in school..but most importantly for me was to see all my friends again..hehe..

actually im super exhausted and am now running aslight fever and i guess its due to overworking myself doing all the'kuih raya' and also because of the haze is back again..and guess was at this point of time im blogging in my entry, the PSI reading is at 130..giler kan..kalau mcm gini tutup jugak sekolah...

arrghh...bsok ader Sports & wellness sei..so feel lazy to go for it with the haze and all but hopefully tonight will rain and wash the haze away which i doubt so...

semalam..dearie didnt call me..ceh ingatkan dear gi bandar but hehe kesian my dear he had guarding duty to do...haish..kat Singapore ader and kat Brunei pun ader...just gotten off on the msn with him and it was good having to let go of the rindu walaupun kat msn ajer..hehe haish...cepatlah setahun berlalu...

money...money...money..why cant we live without money...haish finally will be settling the Starhub bill with the bursary money...and den guess wad i receive acall which surprised me like really surprised me lor..anyway will blog that in when everything is finalised..insya'allah..

finally..just wanna shoutout to all the peeps out there especially the tom and jerries..better takie care of yourself as the haze is back and yar love you guys lots..hehe..

to my one and only love..my dear..you will always be the King of my Heart and that i love you..thinking and missing you always..i know everyline, every blog is the same i love you and all but sincerely i just want you to know 'Chek sayang hang banyak2 nohh'...dear, you tunggu nanti i dah tahu bahasa brunei nanti i challenge u..muackiez..


haish...finally i can have the time to bloggie in my entry for today..

hey peeps im back again and damn im feeling super exhausted..must be wondering why rite??..because i have been busy doing the raya cookies non-stop since yesterday..yesh yesterday..slept like at about 0100 plus abd here i am again doing the cookies today...

woke up in the morning to prepare all the things to be sent to Brunei and quickly made my way to Singpost..just to hurry back to start making the Double Choco Chunk cookies that my bro wanted...alhamdullillah 'kuih raya' for dear dah pun dihantar through parcel and i pray that it will be received by dear in one piece..mintak2 tak hancur..dear is really looking forward to all the 'kuih raya'..i really that it will reach safely as that is the only confort from home he could receive during these raya...

anyway after the cookies, i started on the pineapple tarts and finally now which is 2230hrs, i am done..hehe just waiting for the mummy to get back from terawih and bake it as seriously im exhausted and my back is aching due to prolong seating...aiks dah macam nursing diagnosis pulak zawani nie...hehe...

hmm..its already 2230 hrs..guess the dearie must have rest cos already had along conversation with dear earlier in the afternoon..

haish..seriously to people i look ouhkay but actually deep in me i am missing dear alot..no words can express how much i miss him him..anyway will keep thinking and missing you dear..hehe

finally to end..just wanna say all the people out there take good care of yuourself since the hazy days are back once again..

to dear..love you alot and also deeply at that..mungkin tadi tak cakap as dont wanna tell you but most importantly you know i love you lots and thinking and missing you always...jage diri baik2 and yar dear kuih you dah pon dihantar...bawak bersabar ye..it will reach you soon..insya'allah..amin...once again sayang you banyak2..muackiez...


hey there peeps..the owner of this bloggie have already landed..hehe..anwayss...

yeay..finally the week has ended and weekend is coming well this week school schdule have actually been hecticlah actually...with everyday starting school at 8 am and ending almost at 6pm..haish if only this semester was lighter..

well anyway after school had this talk on BGR and sexuality..hahas although i dont need it, but hey it was a worthwhile experience..got to know more in depth..and im sure i will put it to use when the dearie is back...so lepas sekolah quickly hurried back home as i was going to break fast with my secondary school friends...met them on time to finally settle down at Zingdo..hmm thought this was a Chinese restaurant but to my delight and surprise it was a korean restaurant..and obviously its HALAL...didnt want to stay long actually as i have things to do at home but again i was being surprised like how my 'tikusi' surprised me...it was a belated birthday cake from Sarah,Najibah and Sri..i was and i am touched by them...i truly appreciate the thoughtfulness of all my close buddy...be it secondary or ite...where would i be without them...LOve you guys lotss...

hmm...been missing the dearie today but was delighted to hear his voice at around 830pm and although the conversation was like then 5mins, i felt our heart was interlink..haishh..been aweek only since he was gone...but im sure i will be strong enough to eventually cope with these loneliness...been busy doing his 'kuih raya'..hehe im sending him home made 'kuih raya' made by his dearest mother and lovable wifey which is MUA...hehe..anyway dear don worry you will receive your 'kuihs' in the nick of time...maner ader fun sei yg lain dapapt 'kuih' dulu when its not raya yet..so bersabarlah sebelum kamu disabarkan..hehe..gurau je eh dear..

anyways..yesh dear insya'allah kiter akan mengerjakan Haji together...insya'allah...and yar dear..semua org sayang you...its ouhkays dear that you cant be here on my actual birthday but im already contented to hear your voice besides before you departed kan we celebrated already..

hmm....actually i miss joking with dear..hearing him laugh..his voice..his touch..his love..and most importantly HIS SMELL...hehe...

kaylah guys guess i end here because i have got to look at the tming for the 'kuih tart' that is right now baking in the oven..dont wanna it to get burnt yar...

dear, i love you lots too..my mind and love is with you wherever you are..sayang you banyak2..like alwaes takie care of yourself, thinking of you always,missing you always...love u lots..muackiez....


hmm...finally am back from school..well anyway today was along day in school with having PCB for the first lesson and then 4 solid hours of Oncology...damn it was heavy...there was so much to copy down..i mean all the notes..but hey its was interesting knowing how those cancerous cells spreads and all...

today i ate out with dearies buddy who was Kelvin the baby bro and Azizul the elder bro together along with my friend, Diyana...we had our dinner at Pizza hut..the best pizza under one roof..anyway we talked about alot of stuffs including about dearie..hehe dear dont you worry kae...we didnt mengumpat cume just recapping the memories of you in Singapore...

after dear's departure to Brunei, i felt that i am beginning to be close to his family as well as friends..lucky thing for me we treat each other like family...haish..at least i feel that not all part of me is gone as its in these people that i see dear...as they are also his loved ones..

anyway just got off the msn and the phone with him..and yar lepas jugak rindu sikit2..anyway im feeling tired already due to the heavy schdule today so i guess that will be all and yar till we meet again and till i make my entry again...

lastly for my dear..i love you beyond words too and that am thinking and missing you always..


another day has passed and today's school curricular was very taxing...with the sleepless night i have been getting, it was tougher trying to stay awake in class..at the rate i am going, im afraid i might turn imsonic...hahas...

anyway nothing much happen today except that it was kinda stuffy due to the haze..haish isn't the indonesia really selfish..their burning to make way for agriculture has take a toll on its neighbouring countries and mua lovely country Singapore is affected...wishing that these hazy days will be over soon..well like i say nothing much happen, but i was overjoyed when i received a vibration from my mobile which was in my pocket...guess who...yesh its my dearie who called and it was soothing to hear his voice...aint it funny he told me the peeps in Brunei are having apublic holiday cos its 15 Ramadhan..kan bagus kalau Singapore pun begitu but fat hope sei....

oh yar...the haze must have made my mind in a flustered but wnna know something...for practical lesson today we were taught on plaster cast (...womdering what is it...its will be more familiar if i say, you break ur hand put cement lor..)..and i gladly volunteered my hand to be used on and uh-een was the one who cast it on me..hehe maklumlah jakun tak pernah patah tangan..so i had the cast moulded onto my wrist but boy it was so uncomfortable as it felt warm..and not to forget i also took pictures on it too..will publish it one of these days...anyway as soon as practical class was over, quickly decided to remove it...

well anyway sekarang the tummy has been filled with fried rice and alil of coke..though what i ate was not that much, the fullness is unexplainable and after a full meal , i am feeling sleepy but hey i cant sleep yet cos the new season of CSI:Miami is premiering tonight and yar am waiting for dear to call but am not hoping so muchie on it...oops..azan isyak sudah pun berkumandang so i guess i better go and kerjakan waktunya..like the hubby always say tak baik dilambat-lambatkan...

kaelah peeps...gotta go now and wanna rest A.S.A.P so will gain my energy back when the dearie call later...takie cares to all...thinking of you always...lovie you...


hey dere again from the window of alil squirrel's life...

hahas...just finish sahur well not exactly lah cos i ended up only drinking air kathira that my mom made...*grinning*..damn homemade kathira i way better than those selling at the bazaars..power kedebak...

anyway i just feel cold, hard and empty these few days...with my dear gone and yar have not heard from him for 1 day...macam tak biase pulak si zawani..well i am aware when he is in PLC there are times where i dont hear from him but the fact is now is way different cos i just know that he is not in Singapore...

i just cant hug my 'bantal busuk' to be a substitute for dear what...it aint the same...haish been quiet and keeping alot to myself alot and i guess my family notice it especially my mom..well in school still ok jugak cos i have already told the tikusi beforehand my situation and they fullt understood me...

its just that when im missing dear and the more people probe i tend to get more upset...and tears of sadness will stream down my cheeks...and i am really trying hard to adjust myself and accepting the fact not that i dont but its difficult...hey i guess you peeps reading this will get what i mean..rite???

semalam, dear say will call me at night..not that im mengharapkan but was looking forward..hmm isnt the meaning the same..hehe..well as i was saying, oh yar so i ended up revising abit while waiting for dear's call but till 0000hrs to no avail but yaty yang messaged...hehe...well it is a kind of disappointment but its ouhkay cos i understand his load of work...my dear is a busy man..just like Donald Trump...yar rite as if...hehe

oh man..running late gotta shower now will key in my entry again when i am back from school..ciao...


dearest dear,
loving and missing u...


today was the start of the new school term..and boy it felt great to see all my friends back again but sadly this term our class advisor aint Mdm chick....haishh...

anyway yar i guess it has been along time sice i last made my entry..pardon me for my insolence..just was busy with the attachie life..oh yesh did i tell you i enjoyed my last attachie and the group too..

guess wad i got for my elective...haha its ONCOLOGY..was thrilled and worried at the same time knowing that i will be taking a challenging elective module..

well enough bout my schooling life...actually awhole lot have been going in my personal life..be it family, friends or my loved one..dats is my hubby, Iskhairy..

The sad news that is my dear has already left to Brunei like afew days ago and well it was a solem departure for me as i knew the one and only strength and energy booster in my life that has been keeping me going besides my friends is gone as far as 1138km away from Singapore..

just wanna keep update more about my love life...hehe guess wad alhamdullillah both our family have accepted both our relationship..but still we need to get their restu and confirmation again once dear's back...im getting along fine with his family especially his mom...and dear is also getting along fine with my side...actually i got to knoe something even better afew days back and dear does not know about it..hehe will only tell him when he is back...

hey peeps..guess should be about its as nw i need to sahur...

my last parting words..dear i am missing you alot and just wanna let you know that i love you too...takie care of yourself..